Dealing with meat jokes (and other annoying comments)
I have been exceedingly blessed in the family department, with most everyone in my immediate family barely giving me any crap about going vegan, which is more than a lot of vegans can boast. My mom cooks me a veganized version of meals at family dinners and has cut down on her own meat consumption, and my dad, despite rolling his eyes when being presented with food that is even remotely spicy or lacks animal products, respects my beliefs and life choices. My brother and his girlfriend are fancy city-folk who enjoy branching out with their food choices and trying vegan food. My boyfriend has always been accepting, eats vegan or vegetarian most of the time we’re together, and tries to eat at least one meatless meal per day. (I nearly cried tears of joy when we first started dating and I saw soy milk in his fridge.) All of them have kept an open mind and even visited a farm sanctuary with me.
That being said, I’ve encountered a few people, usually extended family members, who have given me a mildly hard time. Dealing with other people can be one of the trickiest aspects of going vegan.* Some get defensive because they feel your lifestyle is automatically a judgment of theirs. They’re not totally wrong, either. Most vegans would agree that eating meat is not a “personal choice” since it requires the suffering and death of sentient beings, and most who are vegan for ethical reasons believe that in many modern day situations, eating meat is morally wrong. That is heavy. No one wants to be judged or told that something they do every day is harmful and wrong. So when you say “I’m vegan,” they hear “I’m judging you for eating meat.” When people react rudely, defensively, or insecurely to your life choices for seemingly no reason, try to understand this and approach it with patience. Most of us were meat-eaters at some point and may have struggled with the same things before going vegan. That being said, here are some situations I’ve encountered and examples of how you can react.
The person who offers you meat despite knowing you’re vegan (and understanding what that means). Some people think it’s funny to offer you a bite of their steak because you don’t eat meat–get it? Yeah, me neither. They feel a need to point out how different you are because it makes them feel insecure, whether they know it or not. My comeback for this one is simple and the same every time.
Example:
rude person: “Hey, want a piece of this steak? It’s really good!” (waves fork at you)
me: “No thanks! I don’t know if you know this, but I’m actually vegan now, so I don’t eat animal products anymore.”
rude person: “…I know that.”
me: “Oh, OK, then why did you say that?”
I like this because it’s simple, gives the person the benefit of the doubt just in case they really didn’t know, but also points out the ridiculousness of the behavior and doesn’t reward it with a laugh. It’s kind of embarrassing for the person, so they probably won’t say it again. If they do, just respond in a similar manner until they stop.
The person who is cleaning up after Thanksgiving and brings the turkey carcass over to you to taunt you. This is oddly specific because I have experienced this firsthand. Hopefully you never will, but just in case…
Example responses:
ignore and remove yourself from the situation
“No thanks, I prefer to interact with live turkeys.” Then show them a cute picture or video of a rescued turkey.
The Stanley Hudson approach: “why don’t you take that carcass…and shove it up your butt!” This went over pretty well with my family, but your mileage may vary.
The person who feels the need to condescendingly explain how “the food chain” works. This is a common appeal to nature fallacy. If this person is at all drunk, the best approach is to completely ignore. If this person is sober, calmly state the facts.
Examples:
“The food chain may be natural for most animals, but that doesn’t make it right for modern humans.”
“I used to think that too, but after researching it I realized that the modern-day meat industry is very different from the natural food chain.”
The person who makes bacon “jokes.” First step: completely ignore. If this doesn’t work, firmly state that it’s not a joking matter for you, and leave it at that.
Example:
rude person: “Mmm bacon is so great blah blah blah” or other pointless comment
you: ignore
rude person: (louder) “MMM BACON IS SO GREAT BLAH BLAH BLAH”
you: I heard you, but jokes about meat just aren’t funny to me.
I think it’s pretty universal for humans to hate the feeling of telling a joke and having no one laugh. If someone has a joke about veganism that has some comedic merit and you actually do find it funny, I think it’s important to be genuine and allow yourself to laugh if you want. It’s good to be light-hearted and keep a sense of humor, especially about a topic that can easily become very dark. On the other hand, if the “joke” is just them being like “haha meat!” or “LOL look how different you are!” then let it flop, and eventually they’ll stop doing it if they’re self-aware at all.
The person who apologizes every time they eat an animal product in front of you. Sometimes this comes from the person wanting you to like them, or wanting you to validate them with something like “oh, don’t worry, it doesn’t bother me!” This can also be said in a more passive-aggressive “sorry not sorry” kind of way that assumes that you’re offended by their choices even though you haven’t said a word and lets you know that they don’t care (even though they secretly do, otherwise they wouldn’t have said anything).
Example responses:
ignore completely
“You don’t have to apologize to me.”
“Don’t worry, I still like you.”
if you’re feeling sassy: “Don’t apologize to me, apologize to the chicken!”
That’s all I’ve got for now. What is your favorite way to respond to your haters? Have you ever had a turkey carcass waved in your face? If so, should we start a club? Let me know in the comments!
*If you tend to get a lot of arguments from meat-eaters trying to prove you wrong and get into a good debate, I recommend checking out Your Vegan Fallacy Is, which expertly covers just about all of the popular stances against veganism and how to respond.